jeudi, août 30, 2007
After some days in a dream world, I am back to reality. Back to the sadness and back to the loneliness.
I still need to find my way in this life. I am tired of being searching and it is not easy to know if I am doing what is right. Is all this about illness? Is it about more medicine? Do I need more love? I do not know....
I try to concentrate and act, but is so hard, I just want to sleep and live in that world of fiction where I am the master.
They get mad at me when I say that I feel sad. All of them think that I am just acting. But it is not true. My head just turn and turn filled with obsessions which are taking all my energies. I barely can think of doing something else, thus I can not read or search for a job.
I might be just avoiding, I wish all this was just about it. I am turning old and I can not waist my time denying what I need to confront. But, what if I just took the wrong decisions in my life?
No one can understand what I feel unless they have once felt what I am living now. I can not move, I can not act, I can not eat I can not cry.
I am happy because at least I can write.